And it is finally just me

Why does yesterday keep repeating in my life? Its feels like all of my tomorrows are mirror reflections of my yesterdays. And today, as I gave my final shot at the only future I wanted to be in, it’s blew up in my face. And finally after years of running round in circles, I finally am alone now. Truly completely on my own. All my crutches are gone and now I am forced to stand on my two feet. It feels wobbly. It feels scary, but, I also know now that I have choice. I probably never did, and I kept postponing this day for various reasons. And now, I don’t know whom I am angrier with, myself or the entire world around me. It would be easier to be angry with myself as it is a single person, but, if I have only myself to live with for the rest of my years then, it wouldn’t make sense to be angry with myself. So, I choose to be not angry at all. I scream, yell and release this unending pain that I feel in the bottom of my heart. It will always be there and I will never be complete. Always a part of me missing. And now I know that I have to live with it. With sorrow comes tears but with realization comes salvation. It isn’t possible to please anybody without hurting yourself. So, I am not going to try to please anybody. I have to scrape through my life and that is work enough. I am tired of trying to fit in. now, I am just going to build my own little world away from everyone else. Because I seem to be happiest with myself. And that is probably the saddest thing anyone ever wrote. But, I just did and it does not feel sad anymore.

Readability

A writer's ability is gauged by the readability of his work. Readability is not just how your reader reads your work, it entails a great many rules. When I studied readability in great detail, it worried me to no end. As a writer (if I may be called one), I have never really considered so many points before penning down my heart's song. So, today, as I sit here with a steaming hot cup of tea, I wonder if what I am doing follows all those rules. Ironically, I had heard when I was very very young that there are no rules to being a writer. A writer can say what he wants, how he wants and where he wants. Apparently, that does not hold true in today's day and age when writing has become more or less a business.

One must have a clear picture of his theme, then he must zero in on his target audience and then choose the medium of communication. He must not use flowery sentences and he must use simple words.

If I were to consider all that, then I would have to stop writing because I have always believed that the essence of one's writing lies in the imagery one can create with the use of flowery words. I truly believe that writing in simple, everyday language can be done by anyone. A writer would use words that are rare, so that the reader picks up something of literary essence from the writing.

But, all that said, to be effective and to sell, one must follow the ground rules. Which means the phrase writing for pleasure is to be dumped in the heap of garbage that I had to throw out last weekend, but didn't.

The wild soul that I am, I have never really followed any rules. Not the rules of society, of institutions, organisations or any such. So, following rules to writing goes against my principles. Or not. If I have some dreams, I will have to make some alterations to my thinking.

In the past few months, I have made a great many alterations to my thinking and have changed all my beliefs. At my age and stage, it was a herculean task to change who I was, but, I can proudly gloat that I changed and am now well accepted by those who I care about. Those who I don't care about and those who cannot accept the new me, can go eat grass.

As for my writing, I am going to make special efforts to suit the writing that will be enjoyed by my target audience, will sell like hot cakes (do people care about hot cakes anymore?) and bring me lots and lots of money. Because at the end of all the serenades we tell each other, the only thing true that we probably don't admit is that money rules the world. And no matter how artsy we want to be, at the end of it all, we need lots of money for a roof on our heads, food on the table and clothes on our body. Nothing to cover the soul, I must add, because the soul is free, wild and wonderful. Whether I can be artsy in my life or not, I swear to allow my soul to always be artsy. Nobody can take that away from me. If anyone tries, I will forget readability and all that jazz and pull out my sword and cut his or her heart out. Or maybe not. =)