old things

is it really possible to lie to the people who know you the best? which is that one name you'll be screaming when you know that you're going to die in a few minutes. what do you do when you finally wake up two days later to realise you're still alive?
i'll tell you, you call up your best buddy and ask him to drive down to your apartment and get your old phone. you will then stare at the old pictures that you didn't have the guts to delete and listen to the old recordings that still sound great.
you will not call that one person and when you finally cross paths, you will raise your chin and joke around. you will pretend that your life is one big party and you'll let that person know that you don't care about anything. you don't care that the person has changed or doesn't care about you anymore. you'll walk with a strut and come home and gobble down two extra pills and cry a lot. you will ignore the throb in your wrist and you will continue typing. and then you will stare into space and go back to being the shy recluse you love being.
you will clean the table over and over again till your wrist starts bleeding. then, you'll wipe the blood, bandage the wound and start cleaning all over again.
you'll see your future right before you and realise you've left all those you loved far behind and they've taken their own paths. you'll wish them luck and have the overdose you've been saving up for after you've met all those you love with your tiny little heart.