slow poison

just the other day, i was sitting and staring at the glass of pepsi before me. well, that's it. i was staring at the glass and the glass was gaping back at me. this went on for a few hours and then i was asked to leave from the restaurant. apparently, you cannot order just one pepsi and sit at the same place for a few hours. i didn't seem to comprehend this weird rule. so, here i was, rudely thrown out of the deserted restaurant. i stood on the footpath and looked around me. not knowing which direction to start walking in, i did the age old, 'inky pinky ponky'. thus, after my educated choice, i began walking. i stared up at the sky. it was a nice blue. there were tall, green trees around me as well. suddenly, i heard a loud horn. turning around, i stood witness to an extremely thin man flying off his bicycle. he had been hit by a swanky porche. i laughed at myself. the guy in the said car swore at the poor soul now on the road. isn't that what happens in all walks of life? the lesser individual who chooses to live life timidly gets trampled over.
with this great but useless thought, i continued walking. after about three hours, i reached home. i live with two other women. so, obviously, when i turned the latch of the main door, i was greeted with loud cries from one end of the house and incessant wailing from the other. i dropped my bag onto the couch and went into the kitchen. making some tuna on rye for myself, i settled into the uncomfortable couch. as the television came to life, one of my room mates came out and threw a photograph at me. "he cheated on me, again", she informed me between sobs. i looked up at her with sympathy. i placed a tub of chocolate ice cream into her hands. she smiled at me gratefully. my silence seemed to provide her a cue to begin her story and so she did. at the end of her long story, she asked me a question that had my tuna flying out of my hands. "honey, how do you deal with the pain of what he did to you?" she asked pointing at the photograph hanging on the wall in front of me. i sat back and stared at her. deal with what? what is dealing? its been well over a year and i still walk around like a moving bus knocked me off my feet. i walked over to wall and ran my pointed finger down the picture. at our smiling faces. cheek to cheek. i remembered what my mother had told my sister when she first came to my apartment. 'she still has his picture on the wall. 'still '. what a sad little word. it made me realise time and again, that i was stuck within some old, overturned pages.
there is a hole in my heart. and it isn't even my fault that it is there.
after my short discussion with myself, i strode across the room to the large mirror. i stood staring at the image in front of me. large, lost eyes. smileless lips and a thin frame. i felt like lashing out at the mirror. screaming at myself for being like this. no tears came to me. "darling, call the cops, i shot the mirror. Finally!!"

shortcut yourself and i'll turn it all around,
plastic and glass look the same;
from this side of the room.

i think its going to rain and then the shadow goes away.
for a moment, i think, its today and now;
but from the look of it, maybe, its tomorrow and never!