And it is finally just me

Why does yesterday keep repeating in my life? Its feels like all of my tomorrows are mirror reflections of my yesterdays. And today, as I gave my final shot at the only future I wanted to be in, it’s blew up in my face. And finally after years of running round in circles, I finally am alone now. Truly completely on my own. All my crutches are gone and now I am forced to stand on my two feet. It feels wobbly. It feels scary, but, I also know now that I have choice. I probably never did, and I kept postponing this day for various reasons. And now, I don’t know whom I am angrier with, myself or the entire world around me. It would be easier to be angry with myself as it is a single person, but, if I have only myself to live with for the rest of my years then, it wouldn’t make sense to be angry with myself. So, I choose to be not angry at all. I scream, yell and release this unending pain that I feel in the bottom of my heart. It will always be there and I will never be complete. Always a part of me missing. And now I know that I have to live with it. With sorrow comes tears but with realization comes salvation. It isn’t possible to please anybody without hurting yourself. So, I am not going to try to please anybody. I have to scrape through my life and that is work enough. I am tired of trying to fit in. now, I am just going to build my own little world away from everyone else. Because I seem to be happiest with myself. And that is probably the saddest thing anyone ever wrote. But, I just did and it does not feel sad anymore.